A Treatise on My Hatred of the Dutch Toilet

Perhaps it is unusual that my Very First Blog Post is about toilets.  However, as an American with delicate sensibilities who has been living in the Netherlands now for nearly a year, I have still not gotten over my dislike of Dutch toilets.  I mean this as no slight against the Dutch and their leadership in the mesmerizing world of water management.  It is merely the designer of the Lowland toilet that I cannot forgive.  And this is where I reveal myself as a whiny, finicky American.  
I have never been a person who has given much thought to toilets.  They serve a useful purpose.  In Holland, however, I devote too many black thoughts to my toilet.  It is too short.  It has no lid.  It squats in my diminutive, closet-of-a-bathroom like a white, utilitarian toad.  I could forgive these things, though, were it not for the uniquely Dutch "inspection plate", which makes bathrooming such an icky experience.  The waterless plateau of the Dutch toilet is the source of my misery.  Forgive me: I'm about to become somewhat graphic.  
There is a yawning expanse of waterless space in Dutch toilets (the "inspection plate") on which your business lands and sits, on its own dry island.  Apparently, some people enjoy inspecting their poo (for health reasons), an interest I confess I do not share.  The worst part of this is (and forgive me again for being disgusting) that once the "package" has settled onto its plate, it is not inclined to move anywhere, and it takes several flushes and perhaps even a prod with a toilet brush to make it go where it's supposed to -- down the pipes and out of your life forever.   Without the protection of the pool of water (that I took for granted in the toilets of other nations), there are other unseemly issues that arise as a result of this naked exposure of one's business.  There is a useful trick, though, which I will share here in the hopes of helping others who share my plight.  A little nest of toilet paper, set down on the plateau before anything else has been done, is a good preventative.
Well.  I'm sorry if I've horrified anyone, or turned any stomachs.  But I do feel better having gotten this off my chest.  Cheers!